UPDATED ON JUNE 9
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING CRUSADE TOO MUCH WHEN...
- every fist fight you see on TV, you think it was mandated by those TNT
- you keep asking "Who do you serve and who do you trust?" to everyone.
- ... and get angry if they answer anything other than "JMS, of course!".
- you know all the new regulations for telepaths.
- you wonder continuously who will support you? Who will you serve? And who
will you be? when your world is gone.
- you dream of a golden dragon, so you believe Alwyn is messing around with
- you keep trying to get a copy of Alwyn's holo-demons (for future
self-protection, of course).
- you want to infect the Gungans with the Drakh plague.
- you specify in your will that you want your remains buried in the Well of
- the big number of persons with last name "Jones" in the phone directory
- you avoid crossroads... along with beaches, cliffs, pits, caverns and
- ... and, of course, you go to another part of the room for vacations.
- in a highway, you kinda expect to find some huge jellyfish that will try
to have sex with your car.
- you search that castle at the end of the Path of Sorrows, because you are
in pain and have a need for forgiveness.
- you travel in train all night, going nowhere, when your thoughts are
- you want an apocalypse box.
- you ask your ISP to change your login to "Benedict", and then set your
password to "sharks".
- you decide to name your boat "Qualtham".
- ... but after a while, you decide not to, because you don't want it
destroyed by Shadows, and it doesn't have lifepods anyway.
- you refuse to even touch, much less eat, anything manufactured by Pro
- you want to join the Sacred Omega cultists.
- ... because the voice of Alain LeBecque in your head tells you to.
- you try to infect coworkers with the Drakh virus.
- instead of "Welcome", your matt says "Enter freely through the Path of
Sorrows" (in as many languages as you can get hold of).
- you can't imagine playing chess other than alone.
- you feel that your wardrobe is incomplete without a staff, especially one
that is luminous.
- you try to look up the Drakh virus on the CDC web page.
- you send a letter to the Pentagon offering to re-design the military
uniforms, for the moral of the people back home.
- you hang around the bad areas of town trying to gain entrance to the
- you keep saying "Hello" to mysterious blue eyed men in black cloaks
hoping they'll fall for you.
- your friends ask you what time you'll be over, and you reply "Expect me
when you see me.".
- you insist that the Most Holy led you to the house you currently
live in, and refuse to invite anyone to your place, for fear it might
- ... but you don't understand why there's no advanced technology in the
basement for you to find.
- you can't think of any insult other than "the perfect form of an absolute
and complete idiot".
- your ex-wife has a debt and you pay half of it - the rest is extortion.
- ... and when she yells at you, you say it's the principle of the thing.
- you keep looking for the Drazi word for "discretion".
- you refuse to wear ANY collars, EVER.
- you keep insisting your car's color scheme is too light, and lacks the
right political and social impact.
- you refuse to let any unknown person touch you.
- ... so you buy an EVA suit and wear it all the time you're out of your
- every time you're asleep, you dream of Drazi ambassadors putting on
terrible conditions for accepting your requests.
- you appear when you're least wanted and most needed.
- you want to get an homunculus for visiting bad parts of the town.
- you fear the death that has no name, the death that has no face and makes
- you write "Behold and die" in some foreign language in all the walls you
- you refuse to be near ANYONE by nightfall.
- you buy a metal staff and try to make holes in the ground with it.
- you glue several CPUs to your back.
- you try to inhale some of the virus shield to avoid catching a cold.
- you try to rent "Snow White and the Seven Narns" and "Who's your little
Pak'ma'ra" at the adult section of your local video store.
- you tilt your head to one side when watching any pornographic flick.
- you record all the music & other forms of art at your disposal in
diskettes, and then run away, looking for people deserving to have it.
- you keep investigating top secret military documents in order to find out
what happened to the Cerberus.
- you keep smelling something in the subway, but no one else does.
- you can't even try to take _The X-Files_ seriously.
- you embroider the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished." in a sampler.
- you want to blame the aliens for all of your problems, but you know
better than that.
- you sit by the subway line, feet up, enjoying some iced tea.
- you want to be assigned to the Foxfire destroyer.
- you travel around with a plumber accompanying you, in order to appear
- you walk in the train, and expect to see a person dressed in a black robe
telling you "You like going nowhere at one hundred and twenty miles an
- you wave your hand over all the rocks you find, hoping one of them will
lead you to a mystical place that is a metaphor of a book with answers to
questions you haven't even asked yet.
- you fantasize about getting mugged by Dureena Naffeel.
- your favorite dream is either about how Crusade renewed for the full
five-season run... or a Crusade episode with you as a guest star.
- you smear yourself in mud, pick up a long stick and hand it to someone
you care about.
- ... and then you don't understand why they're giving you odd looks.
- you claim to have no surviving enemies. At all.
- you kidnap your friend's cat.
- you ask a dying relative to send a message from the other side, say your
name, and prove that there is a design to our lives.
- you constantly send your boyfriend/girlfriend notes that are all.
gibberish except for their name and love.
This is mostly a work of my own, although I DO expect to receive
contributions from other people. Here they are:
- Miguel Farah (why, myself): 53 entries
- Calvin Redding (email@example.com): 1 entry
- Eugene Rex Juan (firstname.lastname@example.org): 2 entries
- Jennifer Garcia (email@example.com): 5 entries
- North Star (firstname.lastname@example.org): 1 entry
- Iocane (email@example.com): 1 entry
- "Twice Decayed" (firstname.lastname@example.org): 1 entry
- name unknown (LytaC@aol.com): 7 entries
If you want to add an entry, mail it to my address
Now that you're here, be sure to read The Babylon 5
Bogus Episode List that I also keep.
Return to Sector 83x9x12.
Last modified: 09/06/2002