UPDATED ON JUNE 9

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING CRUSADE TOO MUCH WHEN...

  1. every fist fight you see on TV, you think it was mandated by those TNT jerks.
  2. you keep asking "Who do you serve and who do you trust?" to everyone.
  3. ... and get angry if they answer anything other than "JMS, of course!".
  4. you know all the new regulations for telepaths.
  5. you wonder continuously who will support you? Who will you serve? And who will you be? when your world is gone.
  6. you dream of a golden dragon, so you believe Alwyn is messing around with your mind.
  7. you keep trying to get a copy of Alwyn's holo-demons (for future self-protection, of course).
  8. you want to infect the Gungans with the Drakh plague.
  9. you specify in your will that you want your remains buried in the Well of Forever.
  10. the big number of persons with last name "Jones" in the phone directory scares you.
  11. you avoid crossroads... along with beaches, cliffs, pits, caverns and wells.
  12. ... and, of course, you go to another part of the room for vacations.
  13. in a highway, you kinda expect to find some huge jellyfish that will try to have sex with your car.
  14. you search that castle at the end of the Path of Sorrows, because you are in pain and have a need for forgiveness.
  15. you travel in train all night, going nowhere, when your thoughts are disturbed.
  16. you want an apocalypse box.
  17. you ask your ISP to change your login to "Benedict", and then set your password to "sharks".
  18. you decide to name your boat "Qualtham".
  19. ... but after a while, you decide not to, because you don't want it destroyed by Shadows, and it doesn't have lifepods anyway.
  20. you refuse to even touch, much less eat, anything manufactured by Pro Zeta corporation.
  21. you want to join the Sacred Omega cultists.
  22. ... because the voice of Alain LeBecque in your head tells you to.
  23. you try to infect coworkers with the Drakh virus.
  24. instead of "Welcome", your matt says "Enter freely through the Path of Sorrows" (in as many languages as you can get hold of).
  25. you can't imagine playing chess other than alone.
  26. you feel that your wardrobe is incomplete without a staff, especially one that is luminous.
  27. you try to look up the Drakh virus on the CDC web page.
  28. you send a letter to the Pentagon offering to re-design the military uniforms, for the moral of the people back home.
  29. you hang around the bad areas of town trying to gain entrance to the Thieves' Guild.
  30. you keep saying "Hello" to mysterious blue eyed men in black cloaks hoping they'll fall for you.
  31. your friends ask you what time you'll be over, and you reply "Expect me when you see me.".
  32. you insist that the Most Holy led you to the house you currently live in, and refuse to invite anyone to your place, for fear it might become corrupted.
  33. ... but you don't understand why there's no advanced technology in the basement for you to find.
  34. you can't think of any insult other than "the perfect form of an absolute and complete idiot".
  35. your ex-wife has a debt and you pay half of it - the rest is extortion.
  36. ... and when she yells at you, you say it's the principle of the thing.
  37. you keep looking for the Drazi word for "discretion".
  38. you refuse to wear ANY collars, EVER.
  39. you keep insisting your car's color scheme is too light, and lacks the right political and social impact.
  40. you refuse to let any unknown person touch you.
  41. ... so you buy an EVA suit and wear it all the time you're out of your house.
  42. every time you're asleep, you dream of Drazi ambassadors putting on terrible conditions for accepting your requests.
  43. you appear when you're least wanted and most needed.
  44. you want to get an homunculus for visiting bad parts of the town.
  45. you fear the death that has no name, the death that has no face and makes no sound.
  46. you write "Behold and die" in some foreign language in all the walls you can.
  47. you refuse to be near ANYONE by nightfall.
  48. you buy a metal staff and try to make holes in the ground with it.
  49. you glue several CPUs to your back.
  50. you try to inhale some of the virus shield to avoid catching a cold.
  51. you try to rent "Snow White and the Seven Narns" and "Who's your little Pak'ma'ra" at the adult section of your local video store.
  52. you tilt your head to one side when watching any pornographic flick.
  53. you record all the music & other forms of art at your disposal in diskettes, and then run away, looking for people deserving to have it.
  54. you keep investigating top secret military documents in order to find out what happened to the Cerberus.
  55. you keep smelling something in the subway, but no one else does.
  56. you can't even try to take _The X-Files_ seriously.
  57. you embroider the phrase "No good deed goes unpunished." in a sampler.
  58. you want to blame the aliens for all of your problems, but you know better than that.
  59. you sit by the subway line, feet up, enjoying some iced tea.
  60. you want to be assigned to the Foxfire destroyer.
  61. you travel around with a plumber accompanying you, in order to appear more important.
  62. you walk in the train, and expect to see a person dressed in a black robe telling you "You like going nowhere at one hundred and twenty miles an hour".
  63. you wave your hand over all the rocks you find, hoping one of them will lead you to a mystical place that is a metaphor of a book with answers to questions you haven't even asked yet.
  64. you fantasize about getting mugged by Dureena Naffeel.
  65. your favorite dream is either about how Crusade renewed for the full five-season run... or a Crusade episode with you as a guest star.
  66. you smear yourself in mud, pick up a long stick and hand it to someone you care about.
  67. ... and then you don't understand why they're giving you odd looks.
  68. you claim to have no surviving enemies. At all.
  69. you kidnap your friend's cat.
  70. you ask a dying relative to send a message from the other side, say your name, and prove that there is a design to our lives.
  71. you constantly send your boyfriend/girlfriend notes that are all. gibberish except for their name and love.


This is mostly a work of my own, although I DO expect to receive contributions from other people. Here they are:
  1. Miguel Farah (why, myself): 53 entries
  2. Calvin Redding (redding@ipa.net): 1 entry
  3. Eugene Rex Juan (erjuan@uclink4.berkeley.edu): 2 entries
  4. Jennifer Garcia (jngarcia@mindspring.com): 5 entries
  5. North Star (megsteve@bellatlantic.net): 1 entry
  6. Iocane (iocane@crosswinds.net): 1 entry
  7. "Twice Decayed" (twicedecayed@darkmail.com): 1 entry
  8. name unknown (LytaC@aol.com): 7 entries

If you want to add an entry, send it trough this contact form.

Now that you're here, be sure to read The Babylon 5 Bogus Episode List that I also keep.

Return to Sector 83x9x12.

Last modified: 09/06/2002


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